Where's Waldo? ...

Indeed, where is Waldo? 

Ok let’s take a minute to search for him. There is a cityscape picture with tons of people in it doing many different things. There are cars, bikes, trucks, and many other forms of transportation. The picture is full of specialty shops where the widow displays are ornate. We can’t forget the occasional person walking their dog. Oh and the landscaping along the side of the road and in front of the shops. Clouds in the sky where birds are dancing in and out of. Yes, there is indeed a lot going on in this picture. Now we must find ONE guy among all the chaos. Perhaps he doesn’t want to be found. Maybe he’s trying to take a minute or two for himself. But it is inevitable, we must locate him.

After combing every inch of the photo and painstakingly thinking many times we spotted him, we are about give up. We look in places we think he should be but he’s nowhere to be found. Then finally we spot a glimpse of his red and white hat. BOOM!!!! Found him!!!!!!

We now turn the page and start the process all over again…

So what is the point in this? I feel many of you have been playing “Where’s Michelle?”  Trying to locate me in places you think I should be. There is so much surrounding me you’re not able to see where I have taken up residence. Well you are not the only one. Matter of fact, I am looking for Michelle as well in the same picture you are. I try to search for Michelle where I have always found her but she’s not there. The places and things I once loved and enjoyed have collected dust from lack of use. Yes, where indeed is Michelle? It is the million dollar question.

I have not hidden my mental state over the last year and a half.  No, I have not gone into great detail but enough to know I am in a battle. Yes, I said I’m IN a battle. The toughest battle I have ever fought in my life. I am surrounded by many things that push and pull me and it’s hard to continue to stand. But I’m fighting to keep my footing. Sometimes I lose my stance and it’s hard to get back up. Each day I have to make a choice to stand firm and not allow the wind, sometimes even a small breeze, to knock me down. My successes are beginning to outnumber my failures. I came to a mountain and knew I had to either climb it or I would be stuck in the same spot forever. So I decided to begin the slow and rough climb up. I must make the decision daily to climb. I decided to make 2018 my “Brave” year! That’s my word for this year. I have realized I’m not going to get better if I don’t start focusing on me for once. I’ve NEVER done this. I have always put other’s needs before my own. I no longer am able to do that. It’s time for me to begin to repair the brokenness that started many many years ago. Will it take longer than 2018 to get to that point? I truly do not know. I am focused on each day and making sure I’m doing the work I need to make it through it. My goal is to once again live and love life and I do believe it will happen! So I must be brave and face the climb ahead, no matter how rough it gets. In the meantime, please be patient while looking for Michelle and please don’t give up on trying to find her! 

Because I’m not giving up on her!!!!